Thursday, February 9, 2012

How To Be The Perfect Parent

Do natural childbirth
Be induced.
Birth at home.
Rush to the hospital.
Don't weird other people out with your boobs.
Sleep train.
Babies should sleep on their backs.
Babies really sleep on their tummies.
Cloth diaper.
Don't be difficult.
Put cereal in their bottle.
Don't start solids until they can talk.
All these foods will kill them.
Don't raise a picky eater.
Feed on demand.
Cry it out.
Don't let baby overheat.
That baby needs a hat.
Don't let your baby irritate strangers.
Don't hide out in your house.
Make sure they gets loads of social stimulation.
Make sure they get three naps a day.
Be firm.
Be loving.
Praise them.
Not too much.
Encourage their learning.
Don't be a tiger mom.
Do Kindermusik and Mommy and Me and swimming lessons.
Don't overschedule and overstimulate.
Wash their hands and rinse out their mouths if they eat peanut butter.
Don't be a neat freak germaphobe.
Bathe them every night so they sleep better.
Bathe them once a week so their skin isn't too dry.
Make sure you get plenty of "me time."
It's not all about you anymore.
Get them into the best schools immediately.
If you really loved them, you would homeschool.
Don't let them stay up past their bedtime.
Don't be a schedule nazi.
They're too old to be in that stroller.
Don't overtire them or you'll have to deal with the tantrum.
They're bored.
They're spoiled.
They're falling behind on their developmental milestones!
Don't worry so much.
Don't let them suffer a moment of sorrow or frustration.
Don't let your universe revolve around them.
Validate their feelings.
You can't reason with them.
You're crushing their spirit with discipline.
You're permissive and raising a pack of wild hooligans.
You're what's wrong with kids today.
Don't be that mom.


  1. As YOUR Nana used to say: moderation in everything. Balance. It's never going to be 100%, or even 50/50, all the time. Try to enjoy them as much as you can. If they're not enjoyable, do something about it. You're doing a great job! Mom


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