Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Holiday Advice for Pregnant Ladies
What to Expect When Expecting (in the Village of the Damned)
Oh, don't act like you haven't considered this as a real possibility...
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Time Machine
I need a time machine.
I was looking at some old photos of the girls the other day - they periodically ask us to show them pictures of themselves as babies - and was struck with a bit of nostalgia about those tiny-fingernails days. It's kind of a strange feeling for me because I remember being SO stressed out back then, and I really have zero desire for another infant now. I have learned that I am not capable of taking a philosophical view of sleep deprivation, and I remember that I often felt like I had no idea what I was doing and that everything was so fraught with danger. My love was so big. My need to get it right was so intense. I can't say that I really enjoyed it, I just NEEDED to do it. In all caps - I'm surprised everything I wrote back then wasn't littered with italics and all caps and exclamation points, just like a teenager's diary - I just CAN NOT believe this is happening to ME!!!!!! (OK, half the stuff I write these days still looks like that. Oh, well.)
And yet, from my current vantage point, I did seem fairly competent back then. Their needs were basic, and fulfilling them was hard physical work but fairly straight-forward. Being a good mother felt good to do, unlike being a good mother to a 5 year old, which sometimes results in them telling you that you are a meanie and they don't like you anymore. True, that first baby is a circus of self-doubt and confusion, but the second is much more manageable - you're a pro! I feel like now I could look like an expert in baby-raising if I had the guts/insanity to do it again... but I don't, so don't get excited. Because the reality is that being a good mother to a screaming, colicky baby when you are totally exhausted does not actually seem simple or feel good at all. Oh yeah, it's all coming back to me now. The grass really is only greener wherever you've spread the fertilizer.
My mother warned me about wishing away their childhoods. She told me how easy it is to keep telling yourself, "I just have to get through this. Just a couple more months. As soon as she gets old enough to do this or that or not do this, then everything will be great." And then one day it's all behind you and you can't go back. I'm not sure that this wishing away is entirely possible to avoid, at least perhaps for people like me. Maybe I just don't handle the stress very well, but I find it mostly impossible to just relax and enjoy everything, and coaching myself to practice endurance is sometimes the best I've got.
It's such a shame really, because one solid truth about raising children is that each age has pros and cons. No single stage is all good or all bad, and as soon as you get past this current one, you just land right in the middle of the next one with all it's joys and horrors. I do believe everyone has certain ages you are just better at parenting, based on your personality and lifestyle, and the cons of those ages are diminished by your feelings of competence. Hooray for those little seasons of calm! However, the flip side is that there are going to be ages that you are not equipped to manage smoothly, and consequently even what joys there are to be had are obscured in shadows. Parenthood loves to pull the rug out from under you just when you think you have something (anything) figured out.
This is why I need a time machine. What I most wish is that I had the ability to jump back and forth in time to witness and experience my children in smaller doses so that I could appreciate each age and stage better. What heaven to be able to take a short vacation from a tantruming three year old and zip back to that long dark night awake with a nursing infant. I've slept decently for days in a row at present, so how lovely to be able to relieve my weary 2007 self and spend a few hours rocking my little tiny one in the silence of a sleeping house. My 2007 self can flash forward and enjoy that extra 30 minutes of laying in bed at all of 7 am (luxury!) on a Saturday while the girls screech and torture the cats but blissfully do not come out of their rooms and demand breakfast.
When my preschoolers are telling me another inane story while they watch the same episode of Dora for the 60,000th time - or being deliberately irrational about a pair of socks or something equally stupid - it would be so nice to jump into the future to have a conversation about life or anything interesting and meaningful with my teenagers, or even just be there to introduce them to Monty Python movies or Douglas Adams books. I just have to remember to get the heck out of there before they ask my permission to go to a punk club in Slumaville at midnight or want to talk to me about anything embarrassing!
But it's not really about only avoiding the negative situations in life as much as it would be about gaining some perspective when you (I) need it. Besides just surfing through happy birthday parties and Christmas mornings, I'm sure that after a big fight about independence and boundaries with my 11 and 13 year olds, I would really appreciate being able to flash back to observe my 2 and 4 year olds throw themselves on the ground a weep over lollipops (or lack thereof) ...and laugh my freakin' ass off!! What was I so upset about back then?!? What a piece of cake! No you can't have a lollipop. The end. Your behavior is ludicrous, and I am not moved by your crying. Period. Or maybe when you need to give yourself a time out before you strangle your potty trainer for peeing on the kitchen floor while you are cooking dinner (even though you just asked her twice if she needed to go), you could flash forward to the night when the cops bring your junior high schooler home. That mess is not quite so easy to clean up. Simpler times, man.
I guess this is why our parents are so hell-bent on forcing us to make them grandparents. Being a grandparent must be a little bit like having your own time machine. "This baby looks quite a bit like my baby and reminds me of how happy I was having a baby - and now I will give it back to its parents and go home and take a nap! Yay!" It also may explain why people with children are always trying to convince their friends and relatives to have babies. "You should TOTALLY have a baby! Then I can come over and visit your baby!" And then I'll go home and say, "Thank GOD I don't have a baby anymore. Whew! I'm going to watch three episodes of House Hunters while my kids play Legos by themselves in the playroom. Yay!"
Unfortunately, I don't think I'm going to be getting that time machine anytime soon. I'm just going to have to learn to deal. Looking back at pictures and hanging out with other people's kids does help put things in perspective now and then. But really, I'm on this fierce personal growth crash course and I'm going to have to keep struggling to be more patient and more present and less anxious and less expectant. Even though I know better than anyone that it's easier said than done, I really should try to appreciate where and who they are right now. My memories of the past are hazy and rosier than reality, and the future remains uncertain. Watch out, the next step is also a doozy.
I was looking at some old photos of the girls the other day - they periodically ask us to show them pictures of themselves as babies - and was struck with a bit of nostalgia about those tiny-fingernails days. It's kind of a strange feeling for me because I remember being SO stressed out back then, and I really have zero desire for another infant now. I have learned that I am not capable of taking a philosophical view of sleep deprivation, and I remember that I often felt like I had no idea what I was doing and that everything was so fraught with danger. My love was so big. My need to get it right was so intense. I can't say that I really enjoyed it, I just NEEDED to do it. In all caps - I'm surprised everything I wrote back then wasn't littered with italics and all caps and exclamation points, just like a teenager's diary - I just CAN NOT believe this is happening to ME!!!!!! (OK, half the stuff I write these days still looks like that. Oh, well.)
 |
| Maggie - 1 Week |
And yet, from my current vantage point, I did seem fairly competent back then. Their needs were basic, and fulfilling them was hard physical work but fairly straight-forward. Being a good mother felt good to do, unlike being a good mother to a 5 year old, which sometimes results in them telling you that you are a meanie and they don't like you anymore. True, that first baby is a circus of self-doubt and confusion, but the second is much more manageable - you're a pro! I feel like now I could look like an expert in baby-raising if I had the guts/insanity to do it again... but I don't, so don't get excited. Because the reality is that being a good mother to a screaming, colicky baby when you are totally exhausted does not actually seem simple or feel good at all. Oh yeah, it's all coming back to me now. The grass really is only greener wherever you've spread the fertilizer.
 |
| Maggie - 3 Weeks |
My mother warned me about wishing away their childhoods. She told me how easy it is to keep telling yourself, "I just have to get through this. Just a couple more months. As soon as she gets old enough to do this or that or not do this, then everything will be great." And then one day it's all behind you and you can't go back. I'm not sure that this wishing away is entirely possible to avoid, at least perhaps for people like me. Maybe I just don't handle the stress very well, but I find it mostly impossible to just relax and enjoy everything, and coaching myself to practice endurance is sometimes the best I've got.
 |
| Maggie - 7 Months |
It's such a shame really, because one solid truth about raising children is that each age has pros and cons. No single stage is all good or all bad, and as soon as you get past this current one, you just land right in the middle of the next one with all it's joys and horrors. I do believe everyone has certain ages you are just better at parenting, based on your personality and lifestyle, and the cons of those ages are diminished by your feelings of competence. Hooray for those little seasons of calm! However, the flip side is that there are going to be ages that you are not equipped to manage smoothly, and consequently even what joys there are to be had are obscured in shadows. Parenthood loves to pull the rug out from under you just when you think you have something (anything) figured out.
 |
| Maggie - 16 Months |
This is why I need a time machine. What I most wish is that I had the ability to jump back and forth in time to witness and experience my children in smaller doses so that I could appreciate each age and stage better. What heaven to be able to take a short vacation from a tantruming three year old and zip back to that long dark night awake with a nursing infant. I've slept decently for days in a row at present, so how lovely to be able to relieve my weary 2007 self and spend a few hours rocking my little tiny one in the silence of a sleeping house. My 2007 self can flash forward and enjoy that extra 30 minutes of laying in bed at all of 7 am (luxury!) on a Saturday while the girls screech and torture the cats but blissfully do not come out of their rooms and demand breakfast.
 |
| Maggie - 23 Months, Kate - 1 Day |
When my preschoolers are telling me another inane story while they watch the same episode of Dora for the 60,000th time - or being deliberately irrational about a pair of socks or something equally stupid - it would be so nice to jump into the future to have a conversation about life or anything interesting and meaningful with my teenagers, or even just be there to introduce them to Monty Python movies or Douglas Adams books. I just have to remember to get the heck out of there before they ask my permission to go to a punk club in Slumaville at midnight or want to talk to me about anything embarrassing!
 |
| Kate - 1 Month |
But it's not really about only avoiding the negative situations in life as much as it would be about gaining some perspective when you (I) need it. Besides just surfing through happy birthday parties and Christmas mornings, I'm sure that after a big fight about independence and boundaries with my 11 and 13 year olds, I would really appreciate being able to flash back to observe my 2 and 4 year olds throw themselves on the ground a weep over lollipops (or lack thereof) ...and laugh my freakin' ass off!! What was I so upset about back then?!? What a piece of cake! No you can't have a lollipop. The end. Your behavior is ludicrous, and I am not moved by your crying. Period. Or maybe when you need to give yourself a time out before you strangle your potty trainer for peeing on the kitchen floor while you are cooking dinner (even though you just asked her twice if she needed to go), you could flash forward to the night when the cops bring your junior high schooler home. That mess is not quite so easy to clean up. Simpler times, man.
 |
| Maggie - 2.5, Kate - 6 Months |
I guess this is why our parents are so hell-bent on forcing us to make them grandparents. Being a grandparent must be a little bit like having your own time machine. "This baby looks quite a bit like my baby and reminds me of how happy I was having a baby - and now I will give it back to its parents and go home and take a nap! Yay!" It also may explain why people with children are always trying to convince their friends and relatives to have babies. "You should TOTALLY have a baby! Then I can come over and visit your baby!" And then I'll go home and say, "Thank GOD I don't have a baby anymore. Whew! I'm going to watch three episodes of House Hunters while my kids play Legos by themselves in the playroom. Yay!"
 |
| Maggie - 3, Kate - 16 Months |
Unfortunately, I don't think I'm going to be getting that time machine anytime soon. I'm just going to have to learn to deal. Looking back at pictures and hanging out with other people's kids does help put things in perspective now and then. But really, I'm on this fierce personal growth crash course and I'm going to have to keep struggling to be more patient and more present and less anxious and less expectant. Even though I know better than anyone that it's easier said than done, I really should try to appreciate where and who they are right now. My memories of the past are hazy and rosier than reality, and the future remains uncertain. Watch out, the next step is also a doozy.
 |
| Maggie - 4, Kate - 2 |
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Maggie Jane, CPA
I've been hunting around for a photo of a book that Maggie wrote a while back called "I Luv Munny," but I can't find it (or the book itself) anywhere. I thought that I had posted it here, but apparently not. Maggie luvs munny. It's a little disconcerting for a bleeding heart like me to see such fiscal obsession in one so young. It reminds me of that 80's sitcom Family Ties where Michael J. Fox played Alex P. Keaton, the young Republican son of a couple of old hippies. It's not really that Mags is any more of a consumerist than any young child who watches too many cartoons with advertising, she just likes to count and stack her filthy lucre - and probably roll around in it - like Scrooge McDuck.
The Evidence:
Maggie had been playing quietly up in her room for some time the other day, and when I went in there later, this is what I found. She'd been happily humming to herself while she divided out her allowance money (she never spends any of it) and clipped stacks of it it together with sparkly flower barrettes. Fiscally feminine!
Would you like to know the real kicker? The thing that really makes me shake my head? Each of those little packets is arranged by the first letter of the serial number on each dollar. She's organizing her allowance by serial number. I'm not kidding.
This is how my 5-year old spends her free time. Something tells me that I should kiss up to her a little more so that she'll take care of me when I get old and she has all the money.
The Evidence:
Maggie had been playing quietly up in her room for some time the other day, and when I went in there later, this is what I found. She'd been happily humming to herself while she divided out her allowance money (she never spends any of it) and clipped stacks of it it together with sparkly flower barrettes. Fiscally feminine!
 |
| Pretty |
Would you like to know the real kicker? The thing that really makes me shake my head? Each of those little packets is arranged by the first letter of the serial number on each dollar. She's organizing her allowance by serial number. I'm not kidding.
 |
| See - all A's! |
This is how my 5-year old spends her free time. Something tells me that I should kiss up to her a little more so that she'll take care of me when I get old and she has all the money.
Monday, October 8, 2012
NSFW - Not Safe For Work
Last week at Mike's work, a group of people were having a conversation about food. One guy was describing a vegetarian lasagna that his wife made that didn't even have lasagna noodles in it. (I've heard of using sliced zucchini in place of the noodles, so that may have been it.)
The only woman in the group naively said, "What do you call that? Veg-agna?"
All the men just stood there staring at her in uncomfortable disbelief until the original story-teller said, "Yes, last night my wife made us all eat vagagna at dinner."
*ba dum ching*
True story.
(I usually send copies of my blog posts to my grandmother so she can read them and see photos of the girls, but I think maybe I won't send this one.)
The only woman in the group naively said, "What do you call that? Veg-agna?"
All the men just stood there staring at her in uncomfortable disbelief until the original story-teller said, "Yes, last night my wife made us all eat vagagna at dinner."
*ba dum ching*
True story.
(I usually send copies of my blog posts to my grandmother so she can read them and see photos of the girls, but I think maybe I won't send this one.)
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Katie Sez...
 |
| First you follow the treasure map... |
 |
| ...to where X marks the spot... |
 |
| ...where a castle has two people with crowns. One crown has a shoe and one has a flower... |
 |
| (Two people) |
 |
| (A crown with a shoe and a crown with a flower) |
 |
| ...Then outside the castle and outside the woods there is... A BEAR HAND! (Kate usually screams the words BEAR HANDS!!) The bear hand is picking flowers. |
 |
| ...Next there is a tiny balloon and peanut snacks and another BEAR HAND! This bear hand is also picking flowers. |
 |
| ...And in the field with the bear hands is a crown with a flower, but no people because the people are afraid of the bear hands and they are hiding out in the castle... hiding from the BEAR HANDS! |
 |
| Good story, Kate. |
***
Also, here are some apple picking photos from last Thursday:
 |
| Sampling the goods |
 |
| We also got to pick two pumpkins. |
 |
| Besides picking apples and pumpkins, we also got to go on a hayride and eat apple cider donuts. |
 |
| Pick your own flowers field |
 |
| They had chickens, goats, sheep, and bunnies to feed. |
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| Hay Maze |
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| There were little battery-powered tractors on a track. Fun! |
Tu(n)esday
I can't watch this video without my mouth hanging open at how talented each one of the band members are. The guitar player and the bass player especially just blow me away.
Here are a few more songs from Pokey LaFarge and the South City Three to enjoy. Happy Tuesday!
Here are a few more songs from Pokey LaFarge and the South City Three to enjoy. Happy Tuesday!
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Katie Sez...
... Mom, everyone is decorating for Halloween. Everyone. Why can't we decorate for Halloween? We need pumpkins and spooky spiders! Please, mom, please?!
Did this really start already? This everyone thing where everyone else in the world but me is doing something/getting something/going somewhere and I don't ever get anything and I'm whining. That thing. We've started that already? Really? Who took my baby away and left this obnoxious teenager in her place?
I have NOT begun decorating for Halloween because 1. it's September and 2. September is kicking my butt. I can't believe how busy it's been here the past few weeks. It seems that every weekday is a blur of pick up and drop off times and lunches to pack and forms to fill out and show-and-tells to remember. And then every weekend is filled up with things to do and places to go. Fun things, exciting things, some scary things, some tedious things, but mostly enjoyable things and people we love to see. Nevertheless, our life is zooming by and the house is a wreck. Where would we even put pumpkins and spiders when it looks like a bomb went off in here? There are probably some real spiders living under the laundry pile in the basement anyway. Why buy plastic ones?
I never like it when life gets hectic. It makes me feel strung out and unsettled. Where did the time go? I just wanted to drink my coffee on the deck and watch the leaves change color, but I turned around and the month was gone and the colors have already started to show. I didn't get a chance to live while my life was happening in fast forward.
There are six more days left in September. This coming weekend is scheduled to the hilt, but then I'm going to attempt to put the brakes on as best I can. My New October's Resolution (remember how in January I said I never make resolutions??) is to stop and smell the pumpkin pie. I need to take my girl to the farm stand and pick out some mums and decorative gourds. I need to throw away some old magazines and put away all the books I've finished reading. I need to pack up the good 50% of the mountain of shoes next to the front door that no longer even fit the feet of anyone who lives in this house. I need to make a big pot of soup or chili or beans and cornbread. I should make a carrot cake. I need to sit on the deck and drink my coffee and watch the leaves change.
(I'm not even going to check my email while I'm out there!)
Did this really start already? This everyone thing where everyone else in the world but me is doing something/getting something/going somewhere and I don't ever get anything and I'm whining. That thing. We've started that already? Really? Who took my baby away and left this obnoxious teenager in her place?
I have NOT begun decorating for Halloween because 1. it's September and 2. September is kicking my butt. I can't believe how busy it's been here the past few weeks. It seems that every weekday is a blur of pick up and drop off times and lunches to pack and forms to fill out and show-and-tells to remember. And then every weekend is filled up with things to do and places to go. Fun things, exciting things, some scary things, some tedious things, but mostly enjoyable things and people we love to see. Nevertheless, our life is zooming by and the house is a wreck. Where would we even put pumpkins and spiders when it looks like a bomb went off in here? There are probably some real spiders living under the laundry pile in the basement anyway. Why buy plastic ones?
I never like it when life gets hectic. It makes me feel strung out and unsettled. Where did the time go? I just wanted to drink my coffee on the deck and watch the leaves change color, but I turned around and the month was gone and the colors have already started to show. I didn't get a chance to live while my life was happening in fast forward.
There are six more days left in September. This coming weekend is scheduled to the hilt, but then I'm going to attempt to put the brakes on as best I can. My New October's Resolution (remember how in January I said I never make resolutions??) is to stop and smell the pumpkin pie. I need to take my girl to the farm stand and pick out some mums and decorative gourds. I need to throw away some old magazines and put away all the books I've finished reading. I need to pack up the good 50% of the mountain of shoes next to the front door that no longer even fit the feet of anyone who lives in this house. I need to make a big pot of soup or chili or beans and cornbread. I should make a carrot cake. I need to sit on the deck and drink my coffee and watch the leaves change.
(I'm not even going to check my email while I'm out there!)
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