Reasons Why I Am Not Cut Out to Be a Parent

Reasons why I am not cut out to be a parent:

1. I hate messes.

2. I hate noise.

3. I'm not good at pretending to be stuff. (Mommy, you be a unicorn and I'll be a fairy cat princess. Only if unicorns sit on the couch drinking coffee and working a crossword puzzle.)

4. I find it difficult not to curse, especially when I'm angry. Or frustrated, or telling a joke, or having a good time, or being silly, or trying to make a point, or...

5. I hate it when people behave irrationally or are overly emotional. (Isn't this the definition of a child?)

6. I like to hang out in bars.

7. I like to spend a lot of time alone.

8. I hate to get up early in the morning.

9. I don't like to be bossed around by people who are shorter than me.

10. Stepping on Legos!!!! (*primal scream*)


Reasons why I am cut out to be a parent:

1. I have two kids. (You signed up for this so get back to work, slacker!!)